shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize