I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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