She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
