I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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