I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
