i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
