i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am available for nakedness
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