"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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