you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
