Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
