i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
