my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
