I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
