The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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