You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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