The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
