Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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