He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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