So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
