Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize