As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
