I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
