dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
