A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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