Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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