3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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