My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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