She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
