I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
