Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The power of my boobs compel you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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