His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
