I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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