I am in a vortex of obligation.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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