I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
