woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize