As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize