i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
