I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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