nut hugger
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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