After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
