If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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