have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
