We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
