dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
