I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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