There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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