Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
