Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
