i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize