oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize