Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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