But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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