i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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