dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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