Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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