It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
