So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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