Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
