not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
