how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
