I smell stomach acid.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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