I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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