just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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