you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
