Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
