Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
