i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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