I hate your face
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
