u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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