I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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