What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
