If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
