well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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