if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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