alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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