Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize