He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
