Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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