wrigley field is MILF paradise
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize