dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize
