We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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