Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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