Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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