I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
