If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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