Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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