the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
