I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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