i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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