She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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