Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
