There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
