I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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