On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
