All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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