remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
