I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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