Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
