hotel room ftw
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
