so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
