I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Still dying that you shit outside
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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